You Would Even Say It Glows
by mountainrivergirl
Summary: Collection of Christmas one-shots about Sirius and my OC, Anna. The first is during their fifth year at Hogwarts, when the two of them are left behind at Hogwarts over Christmas, and Anna teaches him about a muggle tradition. The one-shots will vary anywhere from fluff to angst.
1. You Would Even Say It Glows

**Author's Note: This is a one-shot of Sirius and Anna, a companion piece to my multi-chapter fic, Harry Potter and the Not-So Fairy Godmother. You do not need to read that story to enjoy this one. I was feeling the Christmas spirit and that story is not yet at a point where I can write a Christmas chapter, so this is the result. Enjoy!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Harry Potter._

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Anna was singing in the shower, much louder than she would have had Gryffindor tower been filled with students as usual. She was the only fifth year girl staying behind for the Christmas holidays. The Potters had invited her to stay with them but she had declined, knowing that this way she could ensure that the remaining Dumbledores would at least share a meal together on Christmas. Otherwise, her grandfather would remain in the Hog's Head, alone on Christmas Day. She had insisted that if she were going to stay, that she stay at Hogwarts with Sirius and her great-Uncle, he had relented and agreed to have Christmas dinner at the school.

As much as her Grandfather loved her, he really didn't know what to do with her for nearly two weeks of downtime. He had always been a rather angry person, apparently ever since the death of his beloved little sister, Ariana. Anna knew next to nothing about her, though Ariana was her middle name. His anger had only increased with the death of his wife to dragon pox before Anna was born, and then again with the loss of his son. She didn't know how to handle his misplaced anger toward her great-uncle or his odd behavior toward her. One minute he would cling to her like a lifeline, and the next he would be aloof, almost cold. Uncle Albus said it was because he was afraid of losing someone else he loved. It was hard for Anna to believe that her vibrant, loving, joyful father had come from such a bitter person.

Anna paused between carols, trying to avoid that train of thought by continuing to sing. Those thoughts would only lead to her missing her parents so badly that she would waste the day curled up in a ball, crying on her bed.

The summer holidays had been difficult enough the past two years, particularly since her parents had died right at the end of August, just before her third year. Christmas, however, left her longing for her parents so badly that it was almost a physical ache. Perhaps it was the fact that there was still a childish part of her that believed Christmas itself was magical, that Father Christmas could carry her parents in a sack and deliver them back to her, perfectly whole and full of life, under the Christmas tree—her very own miracle. Or maybe it was because Christmas was about peace on earth and goodwill to men, light shining in the midst of darkness, and that's what her parents had been all about too. That's what had led to their deaths. She shook her head, and didn't let herself think about the end of their lives for the moment. Mum and Dad would have wanted her to dwell on happier times.

Her mother had been a muggleborn, and she always told her daughter that when she had first entered the magical world, it felt like Christmas. Anna, growing up in the magical world, had trouble imagining it, but her mother said that's what magic had meant to her: mystery, light, and infinite possibility, same as Christmas.

Hogwarts was picture-perfect at Christmas, the snow-laden castle and quaint little village just beyond, the evergreens everywhere, the decorations, the age-old traditions. But it was so very deeply ensconced in the actual magical world, and her heart yearned for that piece of ordinary muggle 'magic' that she used to indulge in with her mother at this time of year. They would visit department stores, drink hot chocolate, and sing carols while looking at muggle decorations and sucking on candy canes.

Smiling at the memory, Anna got out of the shower and toweled herself dry. She charmed her hair dry with her wand and dressed warmly. It was odd that a magic castle wasn't somehow warmer, but she supposed the Scottish winter was a match even for the Hogwarts founders. Singing, she hung her towel and went into the adjoining bedroom.

"Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh ton—ahh! "

Anna jumped and shouted as she ran straight into Sirius, who had been standing right outside the bathroom door. He caught her before she fell and eased her onto Mary McDonald's bed.

"What-what are you doing up here?"

"Waiting for you, Bird. I had to show off my newest accomplishment." He leaned back on Lily's bed, and held out his hands as if to say "ta-da", winking at her as he used her childhood nickname.

"You're lucky I was dressed—James would have hexed your eyeballs out. How did you finally figure out how to get up here?"

He smirked and rolled his eyes.

"Prongs wouldn't get mad at me for accidentally catching a glimpse. And you know a marauder never reveals his secrets."

Anna rolled her eyes in return.

"First of all, I don't see how standing right outside the bathroom is accidental. Second, I already know all the marauder secrets and most of them are huge letdowns. "

Sirius stared at her aghast, apparently so outraged that he was speechless. Next thing she knew, an enormous black dog was nose to nose with her, giving her imploring puppy eyes.

"Other than the obvious, clearly, _Padfoot_. I just meant that sometimes knowing how you lot pull off your superbly brilliant pranks makes the result a bit less impressive as a spectator," she corrected with mock sincerity and a bat of her eyelashes. She received a tail wag and furry nod of acknowledgement in return before Sirius changed back.

He quirked a dark eyebrow at her over his smiling gray eyes and sprawled on the floor in front of Lily's bed.

"So, what you're saying is that you'd prefer we not involve you in our marauding?"

Anna's eyes shot wide as she realized she needed to backpedal quickly.

"No! You four always leave me out of too much anyway."

Grimacing, she realized she sounded like a whiny little girl. She felt like one sometimes, trailing after her male friends, trying to keep up, a bit like a puppy herself. Sirius grinned at her triumphantly and she wrinkled her nose at him, admitting defeat.

"So, what's the plan today?"

He was now sitting on the floor at her feet, leaning against the foot of Lily's bed. Anna shrugged a shoulder half-heartedly, looking down at the swirling pattern on Mary's red and gold bedspread.

"Come on, where's all that cheeriness I heard you warbling about a moment ago? Some ridiculous muggle song about a deer?"

She did chuckle at that. Sirius was usually such a rebel against his parents' pure-blood bigotry that it was easy to forget where he came from, once you got used to his typical Black looks and elegant tone.

"It's about one of the reindeer who pulls Father Christmas's sleigh."

"Why would Father Christmas need a sleigh? He just apparates when he can't use the floo. His house-elves are a lot more helpful than any reindeer would be."

Anna sighed and frowned. This was exactly what she had meant before—the explanation of the magic ironically sucked all the mystery and, well, magic out of Christmas for her.

"Hey, Bird, what's wrong?"

He was now sitting on Mary's bed with her, looking at her with concerned eyes.

"Are you regretting not going home with the Potters?"

Biting her lip, Anna sighed, still staring at the bed.

"I just miss them more right now."

Knowing she meant her parents, Sirius scooted over to her and slung an arm around her, not saying anything for a moment. She closed her eyes and leaned onto his shoulder. She appreciated that about him. Out of the marauders, Remus was the one to go to for a philosophical discussion of life and death, the one to speculate with her about why the universe was the way it was. James was the one to go to if she needed someone to slay a dragon for her. He always wanted to take out the enemy, to neutralize the situation. But sometimes things couldn't be reasoned away or fixed, and Sirius understood that where James and Remus didn't, though they tried. So he just offered his calming presence and camaraderie, which was what she needed at the moment.

Swallowing through a tight throat, Anna tried to get hold of her emotions. She did not want to spend Christmas in self-indulgent depression.

"So…which do you want, cheering up or staying sad and having a good cry?"

"Cheering up, please."

"Alright, come on then."

He leapt up and held out a hand to her. She hesitated before taking it and being hauled to her feet.

"Where are we going? I thought you were going to tell me a joke."

"Telling jokes? Please. I'm no amateur; I can do much better than that. Put your shoes on. Unless you want to hear the one about the witch and the hippogriff. See, the witch takes her-"

Holding her hand up, she shuddered.

"Please, no. I said _cheering _up, not throwing up."

"How do you know it's something dirty? You didn't let me finish."

"It's you, dear, of course it's dirty. Anyway, James already told me that one."

He sniffed disdainfully.

"That was my joke. Prongs is a plagiarist."

Anna patted his shoulder in mock comfort as he shook his index finger in the air.

"Oh, I would let him take the blame for that one if I were you."

"You're such a girl," he said with a weary shake of his head.

"Nice of you to notice. Cloak too?"

He held up his hand to show that he had already grabbed her cloak. They strolled out of Gryffindor tower as Sirius told more off-color jokes and she tried to plug her ears.

"You know, everyone being gone sort of takes some of the thrill away. There's barely anyone to catch us. Even if a teacher did catch us, I doubt they'd even bother giving us a sympathy detention," Sirius shook his head woefully as they trudged down the passageway to Honeydukes'.

"I'm sure if you tried really hard, you could piss off McGonagall enough to get a detention. Maybe you should go through her underwear drawer again," she giggled in remembrance. "You and your desperate need for negative attention."

"Yes, well, negative attention is extremely hard to come by, when you're as naturally gorgeous and brilliant as I am."

She rolled her eyes. "You're ridiculous."

"Are you saying I'm not either? Right to the heart, Bird."

He _was _incredibly handsome and quite intelligent as well, but she knew that he was fully aware of both. He was just fishing for compliments, and she wasn't going to take the bait.

"Oh, no. If you wanted your ego stroked, you should have gotten Pettigrew to stay behind with you."

"Wormtail's an ego-stroke slut. He gives it away at the drop of a hat," he laughed, and then got quiet for a moment. "Is that your problem with him?"

Anna winced. So he had noticed that. She'd been trying very hard to hide her discomfort, not wanting to come between the marauders' friendships when she didn't even know how to explain the reason for her unease. They weren't girls; they wouldn't understand that the way he looked at her, at other girls, gave her the creeps.

"Yes, it is. I think he should become an ego-stroke prude," she tried to hide the lie with a joke.

Sirius stayed silent for a few minutes and she thought he would call her out on the lie, but he changed the subject instead.

"Tell me about this reindeer. I want to know why there's a song about him."

They both ducked out of habit as they reached the end of the tunnel, and then checked to make sure the storeroom was clear before heading up the stairs. Once they were out on the street, headed toward the Three Broomsticks with sweets in hand, Drooble's best blowing gum for him and a chocoball for her, she started to explain Rudolph.

"His name is Rudolph, and he's a reindeer. He was born with a glowing red nose."

"His nose glows red? Why? Did somebody hex him?"

"No, they're not wizards, they're reindeer."

"But I thought they were magic!"

"They're magic because they can fly, not because they can perform spells. We don't know why his nose is red. He's just different for some reason."

Anna chuckled. It was always enjoyable to try to explain muggle stuff to Sirius and James. It made her feel as though they were very young children from a foreign country, and she was the translator that had to help them navigate the culture.

"So, anyway, he can't fly Santa's sleigh because they all think he's a joke, and the other reindeer call him names. They won't let him play any reindeer games."

She was basically just stealing lines directly from the song now.

"Then, a storm hits on Christmas Eve, and there's a lot of fog. Santa decides he'll have to cancel Christmas."

"Oh, Rudolph can pull the sleigh, right?"

"Exactly. So he goes down in history."

"I like this story, even though makes absolutely no sense."

"It's not supposed to make any sense, Sirius, it's a children's story. It's supposed to teach children that being unusual isn't bad, that it can actually be beneficial, like there's a role only he can play."

"Oh."

Sirius opened the door as the entered the Three Broomsticks and sat in a booth at the back, greeting Madam Rosmerta on the way.

He appeared to be deep in thought, staring off into space.

"Sirius? What is it?"

He turned to her, puzzled.

"Muggles teach their kids that differences are a good thing?"

Ah, okay.

"Not all of them. There are plenty of muggles, just like wizards, who think everyone should be exactly like them. Lily's sister is like that. But many of them do, yes. Of course, it's easier to believe in the idea of it than to actually practice it."

"My parents always taught us that muggles were nutters who would roast me over a spit like a marshmallow."

Anna's mouth quirked at the mental image, but Sirius continued.

"I know it's not true, I'm not stupid. It's just…I've always been taught that abnormalities are to be squashed out of you. Conform! I never could, that's why my parents hate me so much."

He stared off into space again, his eyes hard. She felt a surge of anger toward his parents. That they could turn on their son because he wouldn't hate the people they hated was nonsense. Couldn't they see what a person they were depriving themselves of knowing, simply because he didn't share in their prejudice?

"Your parents really are ridiculously horrible. How did you ever come from them?"

His gray eyes softened as he looked at her.

"Maybe it's all the inbreeding."

She smiled gently back at him for a minute, before Rosmerta came and brought them each a butterbeer.

"Okay, so I'm supposed to be cheering you up, and I'm failing miserably. What do you propose we do next?"

"Um…play fetch with Padfoot, maybe?"

He barked out a laugh that filled her with warmth as she saw the smile return to his eyes.

"What would you do with your parents, if you were with them?"

Anna stopped for a moment, a little taken aback by the abrupt change in subject.

"Well, a lot of it is normal for wizards, too. You know, getting the tree, decorating, singing carols, baking."

Sirius nodded, although she knew that at his house all of that would have been done by house-elves.

"But then we would go around town, shopping and looking at all the lights and decorations, eating candy canes and drinking hot chocolate. You'd think that wizards would have thought up something as good as candy canes, but I haven't found anything yet. It's mostly stupid superficial stuff that I miss."

"It's not stupid. You could still do all that, you know."

She shook her head.

"Not really. Mum's parents died a few years before she did, and she didn't have brothers or sisters. It's sort of like my connection with that world is just…gone."

Anna was just realizing now that it was sort of like losing a part of herself in addition to her parents. She had always taken pride that she could straddle that line, with one foot in each world. It had been comforting to know that if one of them didn't work out for some reason, she could go live in the other for a bit.

"What were your grandparents like?"

She was feeling a little self-conscious talking about herself so much, especially now that his glass was sitting empty while hers had barely been touched.

"You don't want to hear all this, Sirius."

"Yes, I do, actually. It's nice to hear what real families are like. And I like hearing about all these muggle things—gives me knowledge I can use to piss off my mother later."

"Happy to be of service. Well…when I was very small, we used to visit Granddad and Grannie, before the car accident. Granddad was a big, tall, whiskery man, and he always held me up to put the star on the top of the tree, and then Grannie would read me a muggle Christmas story like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", "Frosty the Snowman", or "A Christmas Carol".

He looked at her questioningly. "Will you explain those later?"

She laughed her agreement.

"Then Granddad would dress up as Father Christmas on Christmas Eve, and bring me a present, trying to talk in a deep voice like 'ho ho ho'."

Sirius laughed at her attempt to imitate the Father Christmas voice. "Sexy."

She kicked him under the table and he grabbed his leg and pretended to cry as she tried not to let him see her amusement.

"One year, he took me to a farm, where there was a reindeer calf. He wanted to show me 'one of Santa's own'. I didn't understand why it was just sitting on the ground, so I levitated it. The poor thing was terrified, it kept bleating."

"What did they do?"

"Thankfully, they thought it was hilarious instead of terrifying. Grannie was in hysterics. Dad had to get the thing down and modify the farmer's memory. I guess similar stuff happened when mum was little, so they got used to it. After that, every year, Granddad would talk about how I was going to work at the North Pole once I grew up, to help the reindeer fly. He told me I would have to wait for the reindeer to give me permission then."

She grinned at the reminiscence. Those memories felt a little further away, and the passage of time had taken out most of the sting. Now, they just made her feel loved. She drained the last of her butterbeer and stood up to put on her cloak.

"Thank you, Padfoot. This helped a lot."

"Least I could do. After all, I have to butter you up if you're going to help me sneak into McGonagall's room for a panty raid."

"Alright, I'll do it, but only if you hide a pair under James' pillow and take pictures when he screams."

"Yes! That's a deal."

On Christmas morning, Anna woke up early to a room that was too quiet. It still felt weird to wake up without girls yelling at each other to get out of the shower or let someone else use the mirror. There was a pile of presents on her bed. She and Sirius had agreed that whoever woke up first would go get the other, so she levitated her stack in front of her as she went down the girls' staircase and up the other side.

The boys' room was even weirder, since the room was always rearranged to make room for prank experiments that were in various stages. She always had to keep an eye out for a cauldron—she never knew if it was swelling solution or something even worse.

She watched Sirius for a moment, wondering if he would notice and wake up. Her heart clenched a little as she took in his face, looking so peaceful in sleep, but she didn't pause to think about it. Instead, she yelled "Happy Christmas!" at the top of her voice while she jumped on James's bed. Springing up, he grabbed frantically for his wand, before noticing her standing there. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes before choking out "Happy Christmas" in a gravelly voice.

"You can sleep some more if you need to, we can open presents later…"

He looked like he hasn't slept at all, but he still shook his head, finally managing to smile.

"I'm up now, Bird, and there's never a good reason to put off presents!"

Opening the first package, he wrinkled his nose.

"Unless, of course, they're from my parents."

The book was in flames before she could read what it was.

"_Proper Deportment and Rules of Courtship and Breeding for Wizards of Noble Stock_. Rubbish," he said in answer to her unspoken question.

"Yikes."

Rolling his eyes, he moved on, and so did she. James had given her a set of Exploding Snap cards, and Remus and Peter had given her a book on curses and counter-curses. There was a pair of fur-lined gloves from her grandfather, and a copy of _Anne of Green Gables_ from Uncle Albus. It touched her that he remembered her fondness for muggle literature, but of course, that was how her Uncle was. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had sent a box of sweets for her to share with Sirius, along with a note telling her that she was missed and that she could come whenever she wanted, but that they understood her need to be with her family. Taking out a peppermint humbug, she carried the box over to Sirius' bed and held it out for him to choose.

"Thanks!" he said, taking a piece of fudge. "And thanks for the sneakoscope. That way I'll know when the others are trying to prank me."

"Well, now that I think about it, it's going to go off whenever anyone around it does anything untrustworthy, so I suppose it will be constantly spinning around all of you."

"I'll use it at home for when Kreacher tries to sneak into my room. Um…here."

He passed her a heavy, wrinkled package.

"Thank you," she said, embarrassed, though she wasn't sure why.

"You have to open it to find out what's in it," he teased, and she felt her face start to blush as she realized she had just been sitting there, holding the package.

She tore open the paper to find a snow globe inside, and looking more closely, she realized that it was a snow globe of what was unmistakably Rudolph. Her cheeks got hot as her eyes filled with tears, and she nearly dropped the gift.

"Hey, watch out, it's breakable. Apparently, you have to wind it up, like this, and it plays music."

The tinny strains of "and if you ever saw it…" started to play, and as he set the globe down on the table, he looked at her in concern.

"Are…are you crying? Is it okay?"

Anna looked up at him, in disbelief, his wonderful face full of concern, and she threw her arms around him.

"It's…it's...amazing. And so are you. Thank you," she pulled away and kissed him on the cheek.

"You're uh…you're welcome."

She could swear he was blushing, but it didn't make sense, Sirius never blushed.

"How did you get it? This is definitely a very muggle thing, where on earth could you have gotten it?"

He leaned back against the headboard and smiled at her.

"Let's just say that, according to my mother, I risked life and limb to get you that, consorting with muggles. I seem to recall that you find our feats less impressive once you know the hows, so I'm going to leave you out of my marauding. Just in this case."

"Okay."

"Really? You're going to leave it at that? Don't want to know how I had to fight Filch, Slughorn, and twenty muggles, just to get that for you?"

"Nope."

They looked at each other for a moment, before Anna realized that they were just sitting there, and she was smiling like an idiot while she looked at his face. She cleared her throat.

"Okay, I'm starving. Want to sneak to the kitchens for an early breakfast? I'll just go back and get changed."

"Yeah, I'll meet you in the common room."

Anna gathered up all her gifts, carefully cradling the snow globe, and closed the door behind her as she left. As she slowly descended, she heard Sirius very quietly singing "and they shouted out with glee…"


	2. Where the Love Light Gleams

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Rudolph, or I'll Be Home for Christmas._

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Anna was lying on the rug, on the floor of Sirius's flat. Of what had been Sirius's flat. He had paid out until the end of the year, since they had planned to go into hiding, but the year was almost up, and she had to either take his things or let them be donated to charity or thrown away. If it was left to Remus or any of the other Order members, they would search and then torch the place. He didn't really have that many belongings, and the minimal furniture wasn't much to speak of, but the thought of strangers, or worse—anyone who believed he was capable of the blackest crime, pawing through his belongings and appraising their value, was unbearable to her.

It was the first time she'd been back, since that night. As soon as she'd walked in, she'd half expected to be back on Halloween, waking up on the couch to find it was all a hellish nightmare and that he had come home to her. The teacup she had used was still there, on the coffee table, where she'd set it down before giving up on him returning after he'd run from their fight. It was the last time she'd seen him, slamming the door behind him, ignoring her calls, on his way to check on Peter. He'd left in such a temper that he'd forgotten his leather jacket—a gift from the marauders for his 17th birthday to go with his then newly-acquired motorcycle, his pride and joy. The jacket had been left on the armchair that was now behind her head, to the right. She'd picked it up and that had been her undoing.

Anna didn't know how long she'd been lying there, clutching the jacket in a death grip, and savoring the last bit of his fresh air and sunshine smell. She could hear the strains of people around her, coming and going, calling out holiday greetings to one another, going about making meals and greeting visitors, but she couldn't quite recall the meaning of any of it. It couldn't be Christmas already. Christmas was supposed to be merry, New Year's was supposed to be full of promise, but she was still suspended in the protracted horror of that Halloween night.

Vague feelings of thirst, hunger, and a need for the loo came and went like waves, but Anna was too frozen to respond. What was physical discomfort compared to the throbbing pain in her heart? She had never experienced this before, a weakness so strong that she couldn't seem to care if she ever got up off this floor, if she lived, died, wet herself, anything. What was the point? There was nothing to be done, no battles to be waged, no friends to see, no parents to worry after her, no child to soothe. If she had been able to take Harry, she couldn't have let herself fall apart. She would have had a reason not to. With the way things had worked out, what reason was there not to lie here until her body was carried out with the other vestiges of Sirius's life?

"He's not dead," she told herself.

This wasn't much, as far as comforting thoughts went. Between death and life in Azkaban, anyone would choose the former. If they would even give him a trial for his supposed crimes, she maybe could have a little hope. As it was, she'd exhausted every legal option. The only way for any of it to go away would be to prove it, by finding Wormtail, wherever he was, if the rat was even alive. It was entirely possible that Sirius had killed him after confronting him, and it would serve him right, but if so, it made ever clearing his name impossible. Even though Sirius could easily prove his innocence with veritaserum or legilimency, no one was going to give him that opportunity. She'd offered to do so herself, despite having little in the way of proof since Sirius had refused to tell her any of the details about the fidelius charm. Crouch had laughed derisively and claimed that all mad people believed they were telling the truth, and the same was true for those who'd been confunded. At least that had finally shut Crouch up about her being an accomplice. Remus and her uncle had been greatly relieved by that, but she had merely felt defeated. Azkaban might have been kinder…no, even in her grief-filled stupor, she knew that wasn't true. Yes, she would have been near Sirius, but that would only be more torture for both of them, and it would leave little chance of him ever getting out or of them being with Harry.

Harry. Oh, how she missed him. He had been such a sweet, well-tempered baby. Their last Christmas together had been his first. They had all gathered at the little cottage, which was decorated so thoroughly that Sirius said it looked like Christmas had thrown up on it. They had showered their five-month old godson with gifts, though he was far too young to even understand what was happening. She and Lily read him muggle Christmas stories and sang to him, while the Marauders drank and snickered at them in the background. She couldn't even picture what the Dursleys would be doing with him today—certainly not making him the center of their celebrations the way his true family would have.

After Harry had gone to bed and Remus and Peter had left, the remaining two couples had talked about the war and how it seemed to be hurtling toward an end, what end they didn't know. They had planned what they would do after the war—ideally they would be living next door to James and Lily, all of them raising their children together, free from fear. It made her physically ill to remember those moments of naïveté. The war would never be over now, not for her. It was forever being waged within her heart. For years, triumph over Voldemort had been the goal, and she was vexed to find that there was absolutely no meaning to it. In fact, she wished with all her might that the war was still here, and with it, all those she had lost to it. Never had she imagined that their supposed victory could be so hollow. Never had she imagined that she would find herself on the other side, alone. In all her visions of the peaceful future, she had never pictured it like this.

Of course Anna had realized she might die, that the ones she loved might die. After all, she had watched her parents die when she was only thirteen, and that had brought with it a grim clarity that the others hadn't experienced until they had watched their fellow warriors meet their grisly ends, one by one. Even so, she had always pictured a grand battle to end the war, with them all either surviving or being killed, none of this half and half that they had ended up with. It was really rather near-sighted of her. Of course, if she had ever imagined all of _this_, she wasn't sure she could've kept up the fight.

Anna could now hear music coming from next door. Someone had turned on the wireless to hear Christmas music. Bing Crosby was singing about being home for Christmas, if only in his dreams. Though she had always enjoyed the old crooner, if he were in front of her at the moment she would've Avada Kedavra'd him on the spot. They wouldn't be coming home for Christmas, not even in their dreams, any of them. Lily and James were sleeping under the snow in Godric's Hollow, Harry was too young, probably too damaged, and far away, Remus just wanted to forget their entire previous lives, and Sirius was in Azkaban. She shuddered, thinking that he probably couldn't have any dreams, not pleasant ones anyway. He probably didn't even know it was Christmas.

Clenched due to her tension, her fingers had somehow worked their way inside the lining of Sirius's jacket. She frowned, that felt like a pocket. Moving for the first time since collapsing in this spot, she sat up to get a look. There was a hidden pocket inside Sirius's jacket. She had never known that. Stretching her shorter fingers as far as she could, she finally managed to grasp the edge of what felt like a piece of parchment. Her heart quickened, hoping for some extra piece of information, some leverage, but then sank again as she realized the back was too smooth for parchment. She tugged it free and turned it over.

It was a picture, she realized, a rather old one. The edges were ragged and it had lost some of the color from too much handling, it seemed. Pulling it closer, she realized it was a picture of her, from sixth year, she thought, maybe seventh. It looked as though it had been taken without her knowledge. It was in front of the tree in the Potters' living room, next to the piano. There was a little white blur as something white hit her in the head. Popcorn, she remembered with a smile that hurt muscles in her cheeks, due to recent disuse. James had started chucking popcorn at her after uncharacteristically losing a game of wizard's chess to her. He had always been a sore loser, probably because he was fantastic at nearly everything. The profile of Anna in the picture laughed teasingly, picked up the bowl and took off in pursuit of the blur that was James running away from her.

The Anna in the present didn't realize that she was crying until she felt the wetness on her hands holding the picture. In wonder, she realized that they were the first tears she had cried since it had happened. She gave herself over to them. She cried for all of them: for Lily, her best friend and only real girlfriend, for James, her oldest friend and self-appointed big brother, for Sirius, imprisoned and certainly filled with grief and guilt, for Harry all alone in the world now, and for Remus and herself, having to try to piece lives back together that had been blown apart and would never seem truly whole again.

As terribly pitiful and sad as she felt at that moment, with tears and keening cries erupting out of her, it was also a tremendous relief. It was a release, and proof to herself that she could still feel, that she could still be human instead of only a numb shell. At last, her sobs and tears began to ease, and she felt a certain measure of calm descend.

What would they want her to do, from here on out? Certainly, they would understand the past few months, but where could she go from here? While living and dying in her spot on the floor still seemed a bit tempting, she had enough spirit now to reject it. That was the coward's way out, and she was a Gryffindor through and through.

What would she want Sirius to do, had their roles been reversed? It was hard to imagine. If their roles had been reversed, Anna couldn't picture Sirius failing her the way she was failing him. He was too tenacious not to continue the fight. But…while she certainly would want him to attempt to get her released, they had their godson to think of. While it was true that they didn't get custody and would most likely never be welcomed in his presence, she knew Sirius wouldn't have just accepted that, and neither would she. But what could she do instead?

A thought occurred, perhaps borne of the temporary madness that still lingered, but it gave her hope that it might just work. She sat there thinking for some time, making plans and backups. Finally, she got up and strode to the kitchen counter, jacket and picture in hand. After writing the note, requesting that any and all pictures be sent to her Grandfather for safe keeping, she took a deep breath. She was sure more tears and heartache would come. After all, she was still human and alive, whatever that amounted to. But she was done moping about. There was business to be done. Although they may not be together ever again on this earth, at least now she could remember them all with a smile.

As she locked the deadbolt behind her, she heard Bing Crosby again through the wall and wondered how long she had to have been sitting there for the mix to have rotated back around to the same song. She thought about a cottage in Godric's Hollow, full of friends, love, and a little black-haired baby boy. She let the memory fill her up, as though she were about to cast a patronus, but instead she held it in her heart, hoping that it would stand guard on the inside. She looked out at the city lights and wondered if Harry was out there missing them. She hadn't made it, in real time, for Christmas Eve, but she hoped some tiny part of him knew that she was dreaming about being with him, too, as she heard the last strains of the song.

"Christmas Eve will find me where the love light gleams. I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams…"

* * *

**Author's Note: So, I couldn't get rid of the decided to make this into a collection of one-shots. This was very angsty, but I have a happier one coming up, hopefully before Christmas Day. **


	3. As Long as You Love Me So

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the song "Let it Snow"**

The snow was falling slowly, covering the path from Hogsmeade to the castle. It was beautiful, but unbearably frigid, so they had given up on spending the rest of the afternoon in the village, despite the allure of the cheery holiday decorations and displays. Anna shivered, despite the fact that she was bundled up within an inch of her life and walking arm in arm with Lily as the two sixth year girls trudged back to the school. Unbidden, she remembered Sirius's arms around her, warming her much more thoroughly, in more than just a physical sense.

* * *

_Two Weeks Earlier_

They had been doing homework in the common room that evening, huddled on the couch in front of the fire. Well, really, Anna was doing homework, while Sirius was whining about the fact that the other Marauders were unavailable. James and Peter were in detention with Filch, which they had earned for putting dungbombs in the Slytherin captain's bed. Sirius claimed it was a "rather derivative prank", and Anna did briefly pay attention, if only to wonder silently where he had learned the word. Remus was in the hospital wing, recovering from his "furry little problem" as James put it. Anna had always hated that euphemism—honestly, why not just announce to the whole school what Remus's condition was? Pet rabbit indeed—wouldn't Remus be expected to produce the fluffy thing at some point?

She was rather rudely jolted out of her thoughts by a pinch to her arm.

"Ouch!"

Sirius didn't even bother to wince as she gave him what she thought was a rather strong punch to the gut. Instead he grinned at her infuriatingly.

"Finally got your attention, Bird? I'm not used to having my propositions met with blank stares, especially not when the stares aren't even in my general direction."

"That ruddy well hurt, Black. Where's the chivalry you Gryffindor chaps are supposed to be lousy with? Are you all out after spreading teensy bits of it out to each of the zillion girls you've snogged?"

Anna inwardly winced as she heard the obvious jealousy in her tone. He had hit a tender nerve with the "propositions" line. Normally she could at least veil her fancy for him underneath a healthy dose of sarcasm, but that became much more difficult whenever he spoke of other girls or flirted with her. The flirting he had become much more prone to do, unless that was only her hopeful imagination at work. They had always bantered back and forth, but now he was touching her much more often than before, and certainly much more than Remus or James. All of this made it much harder to keep her own feelings at bay. Every time she resolved to think of him strictly platonically, he would speak to her in his deep, rumbly voice and brush a hand across hers or the small of her back and she would be putty in his hands again.

She swallowed, hoping he hadn't noticed and would just move on. She chanced a peek at him and saw that his smile was wavering a bit. Great, he had noticed. That hadn't been fair to Sirius. He hadn't been running around with random girls this year, not like the past couple of years. She had to apologize and give a believable excuse, and fast.

"I'm sorry, I'm just crabby because I'm still working on this homework and it's taking much longer than usual. What did you say before?"

He looked at her intently, and she was afraid for a moment that he could see right through her. She tilted forward a bit, trying to hide behind the light brown curtain of her hair.

"I said we should go play in the snow," more meekly than usual.

"Snow?!"

Anna's eyes shot up to meet his gray ones, which were now shining as he looked at her.

"You seriously didn't notice it was snowing? It's been coming down since at least lunchtime. You really are out of it today." He scoffed.

He glanced at her intently, as if trying to figure her out. In response, she closed her book with a snap and hastily shoved her books, parchment, quills and ink into her bag and jumped up, heading toward the stairs. She paused at the end of the sofa and looked at him as he was still watching her closely. She cleared her throat.

"Aren't you going to go get your warm clothes?"

"We're going? Yes, I'm getting ready now!"

He darted up the stairs before she could respond and she grinned as she climbed toward her own dormitory. No matter how hard it was not to give away her crush when they were alone, she would never turn down time with the object of her affection.

* * *

"That was a lucky shot, Bird. Now you're going down!"

Anna bent over laughing as Sirius shook his head like a wet dog to get rid of the remnants of her well-aimed snowball.

"You look like a sopping wet mutt."

"What did you just call me? Reducto!"

Her well-stocked snow fort was blasted to pieces by the curse.

"Oh crap."

She ran for it as Sirius bellowed and gave chase in the dark. Where she was going, she wasn't sure, but Padfoot was unshakeable once he had a target. She ran toward the entrance to the shack, unsure what she was going to do until she noticed the swaying branches.

"Wingardium leviosa!"

Anna shouted, swish-and-flicking at a stick on the ground and using it to hit the knot in the trunk. She figured at least she could climb faster than he could. The steps behind her had slowed to a walk as he watched her climb the tree and let her get rather high before he called out.

"That wasn't the brightest idea, Bird. I can sit down here all night."

She bit her lip, realizing that he was right. It hadn't been the best plan. She was already freezing and soaked through. Climbing the tree only made the wind feel sharper against her chilled skin.

"Won't you get cold?" she called back.

He chuckled evilly.

"Not if I transform and hunker down in my shaggy fur coat."

She groaned. It was already almost curfew and now she was stuck up in the willow, where she certainly couldn't let anyone catch her. But if she climbed down, she was certain Sirius would attack. Weighing the two options in her mind, she decided she would rather brave him, since otherwise they could be here all night and Hagrid would come out of his hut in the morning to find her frozen corpse.

"What are you going to do if I come down?" she asked timidly. Sirius could be incredibly devious and he was probably the most vindictive Marauder. He simply laughed back at her.

"Just come back down. I won't bite."

"It's not your bite I'm afraid of."

He just chuckled again, and she moaned at the deep rumbling sound, and hoped it came out sounding like dread rather than desire.

After mulling it over for a few moments, she decided her best option was to play the damsel in distress, at least as far as her dignity would allow. Sirius may be vindictive, but he always had a soft spot for stupid, simpering females, so maybe she could pretend to be one for a few moments. As long as it didn't make her vomit.

"Sirius, please help. I don't think I can get down."

Anna rolled her eyes in disgust as she dangled down a bit and pretended her feet were slipping along the lower branch.

"Not going to work." He sang back at her.

"Damn."

"But it was a nice try."

She could still hear his barking laughter below and reminded herself never to put herself in this position again.

"Okay, I'm just coming down, come what will."

"Alright, then. I might decide to take it easy on you if you do surrender."

Anna huffed, hating the thought of giving up, but she continued down the tree. Unfortunately, it seemed the tree had woken up from its frozen state. Her eyes widened in panic as she heard Sirius curse below. She clutched wildly at the nearest branch, intending to drop down as quickly as she could, but it whipped as soon as she got a grip and tossed her down toward the ground. Instead of the snowy ground, she found her fall broken by something solid that wrapped hard arms under her—Sirius.

She slowly opened her eyes, and found him staring at her, his gray eyes full of apprehension.

"Are you okay?"

Anna nodded, speechless as she realized that he had fallen when attempting to catch her. So now, she was awkwardly sprawled across his lap with her head in the snow as he held her and gaped at her.

"Are you sure? That was a pretty long fall."

She just nodded again as she sat up, her face heating despite the cold. They were so close that she could see the snowflakes on his dark eyelashes. He had the most beautiful eyes: they were always dancing with laughter in their gray depths, and at the moment they were wide with concern for her. She found his apprehension touching, and he had tried to save her. It made her want to kiss him worse than ever. She needed to move, but that was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment. His arms felt safe and she was warmed by his nearness as well as the pounding of her heart, caused by his proximity as she leaned against his strong chest. It made her want to kiss him worse than ever. So she was both relieved and disappointed when he cleared his throat and pulled back to stand up.

Sirius held out a hand to her, and she took it shakily. He pulled her up and steadied her with his hands before grabbing her hand and walking slowly toward the castle, glancing at her to make sure she was alright. Oh, great, now he thought she was injured. He was taking her reactions to his presence as hints that she needed to go to the hospital wing. She took a deep breath as she tried to reign in her crazy emotions.

"I'm fine, okay? Stop looking like I'm going to collapse at any moment. I just need to get warm." She said through chattering teeth. The wetness had seeped all the way through, and since she had been practically lying in the snow, it felt like there wasn't a single dry spot on her whole body.

Sirius started walking more quickly, trying to get her inside soon. They both noticed the closed doors at the same time. It was now past curfew. How had time gotten so far away from them? Sirius dropped her hand to grab the cloak from his pocket and she felt colder at the loss of his touch. He threw it around them both and her face heated again, despite her shivering, as he wrapped his left arm around her and pulled her tight against his chest.

"Merlin, you're freezing, Bird. I'm sorry."

She laughed as she shivered.

"It—wasn't your—fault. Willow—my stu—pid idea."

She managed to get a few words out through her clenched teeth as they chattered harder. He just looked down at her like she was mad and grabbed the handle of the door, trying to inch it open slowly so that it wouldn't groan as usual.

After a few painfully long moments, the door was open wide enough to peek inside. No one could be seen, so Sirius moved her to his side with his arm still clutching her tightly and stepped forward into the hall. Once inside, he painstakingly eased the door closed and then motioned her up the stairs. Anna was now shaking violently. After a few steps up the stairs, Sirius shook his head and then bent low as he picked her up.

Anna shook her head harshly at him, trying to indicate that she didn't need to be carried. But he glared at her ferociously.

"I'm not putting you down, so give it up."

She looked back into his glare for a moment and gave in with a nod. He was too determined to be swayed, and it was awfully nice and warm here in his arms. He started walking again and whispered at her.

"Just make sure you count this as one of my…what was it again? Right, count this as one of my "teensy bits of chivalry'."

He smirked at her. Well, she had deserved that. He was joking, but he had remembered her exact words, which let her know that her comment had smarted. She reached up to touch his cheek and he froze. His face warmed under her touch and she could have sworn he looked a bit pink, but that was most likely the cold.

"Sorry." She mouthed the one-word apology and he gave her a small smile in return and shrugged as if to forgive her.

A few minutes later, she was settled on the couch in front of the fire in Gryffindor tower. Sirius had insisted on carrying her up to her dorm room. Lily, the only one still awake, looked at her like she was crazy as Anna had carried her dry clothes into the bathroom to get changed and then looked pointedly at the supposedly empty air near her own bed.

Sirius had escorted her back down to the common room after making sure she grabbed a blanket—she had insisted upon walking since she had proven she wasn't going to keel over. He had headed down to the kitchens.

The portrait creaked as he climbed back through the entrance. He was carrying a tray with two hot mugs and some biscuits. He handed her a mug and sat down right next to her. She was no longer shivering, but Sirius was still hovering like a mother hen.

"I'm fine, mum. Really, I promise."

"Oh, okay, you won't be needing this cinnamon hot chocolate then." He grabbed for her mug and she deftly held it out of his reach.

"I wouldn't go that far. Thank you, Padfoot."

"You're welcome, Bird."

They sat in mostly comfortable silence for a few minutes as they sipped their cocoa. The fire crackled hotly and Anna enjoyed the feeling of his shoulder as she leaned against it.

"So, do you have any more muggle Christmas songs to teach me?"

She smiled softly in remembrance.

"Loads, actually. What type were you looking for?"

"Just thinking we had a pretty Christmassy evening tonight, snowball fights and hot chocolate. Got any like that?"

"Um…" Anna thought for a moment.

"I promise I'll let you go to bed afterward. Come on, now, it's tradition."

The first one that popped into her head was "Baby, It's Cold Outside," and there was no way she was singing that one to him. "Winter Wonderland" also came to mind, but it had that whole verse about getting married by a snowman, and that was weird as well as something she absolutely did not want to bring up in front of him.

"How about 'Let it Snow'?"

He grinned down at her as he slipped an arm around her shoulders and her heartbeat sped up again.

"It's all the same to me really. I just want to hear you sing one. "

She rolled her eyes up at him and grinned before giving in.

"Oh, the weather outside is frightful…"

Anna proceeded to sing, and then panicked after the second "Let it Snow, let it snow, let it snow," as she realized the next lyrics that were coming up. She really hadn't quite thought this through. In her panic, she just stopped singing. Sirius cocked his head at her, in that way he had that reminded her of his animagus form.

"That's it? It's cute, but that's awfully short."

"Well, no, it's not the whole thing. I just got tired of singing. I'm too cold."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. She was always a terrible liar when it came to him or James. With anyone else, she could spin long, elaborate tales of colorful falsehoods, but for some reason, the two of them always knew when she was full of it.

"Come on, now, you can't leave me hanging."

She sighed. He was giving her the sad Padfoot eyes now, and there was no way she could resist. She tried for a moment to compose false lyrics in her head and finally gave up. Staring down at the floor, she sang the next few lines about kissing goodnight and being held tight, her face burning.

She stopped after the next "let it snow", hoping he would be satisfied. She could feel his eyes boring a whole in the side of her face. Her heart nearly stopped as she felt his rough hand against her chin. Involuntarily, she leaned into his touch and he turned her face toward his. He was searching her face with his warm gray eyes and she couldn't help but to stare back at him with her dark blue ones. Her stomach swooped as he stroked her cheek, then leaned toward her and kissed her.

Anna's eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of his mouth on hers. Kissing him was a million times better than she had ever imagined. He was much more tender and gentle than she would have thought. The kiss grew more heated as he hauled her legs across his lap to bring her closer and deepen the kiss.

This was much better at warming her up than the blankets or hot chocolate had been. The sweetness and passion of his kisses grew in intensity until she felt like she was being heated from the inside and the heat was flowing out through the tips of her fingers. Even her hair felt electrified, as he ran his fingers through it over and over. Anna's heart was bursting with joy.

They jerked apart as they heard the portrait hole creak open and looked up to see Remus standing there, staring at them. She couldn't tell how much he'd seen, but he definitely knew something had happened. She looked at Sirius, but he and Remus seemed to be having a silent conversation. Her heart sank and she pulled away from him and headed toward the stairs.

"Um, thanks for the hot chocolate, Sirius. Goodnight."

She looked back, hoping to see him looking at her, but he was staring at the floor with a look of horror upon his face. Seeing that look was like a punch to the gut. She turned and took off up the steps.

* * *

_Present Day_

Lily's green eyes were surveying her, when they weren't watching out for where to step on the slippery path. Anna was too quiet lately, brooding in her own disappointed hopes, and Lily had hoped today would buoy her friend's spirits. They had grown much closer, ever since the disastrous end of OWLs last year and her friendship with Snape. They had always been friends, but now she would have said best friends, or at least best girlfriends.

"Okay, Anna, come on. You can't let that boy ruin your holidays."

"Oh, I won't let him, not totally, but it's a little difficult when we're going to be in the same house, with him avoiding me the whole time. He hasn't talked to me since it happened."

She sighed, glaring at the snowy ground as if to scold it for reminding her of that night.

"It's just last year, we spent Christmas together, and it was wonderful. We had a great time, he was so sweet, in a just mates way…but this year, it's just going to be a huge old pile of awkward."

As a safety measure, due to increased Death Eater activities and some veiled threats toward her Uncle Albus, all students were expected to spend their holidays elsewhere unless they absolutely had no choice. Anna had even gone so far as to beg her grandfather to see if she could stay with him, but he said that the proximity of Hogsmeade to the school meant it was still too risky, especially for her. Or maybe he just hadn't wanted to be burdened with her presence. That left the Potters'.

Lily made a noise in her throat as though she were going to speak, but bit her tongue as she thought better of it. They had always had an agreement, in order to preserve their friendship, that their best male friends were off-limits unless the person had something nice to say, which of course never had happened in their five previous years. They both still held to their verbal contract, even though Severus was now out of the picture and Lily was starting to warm up to James, at least enough to think he might be a semi-decent person deep down.

"What is it, Lily? Just spit it out, whatever it is."

"I was just going to ask if you've reconsidered talking to Potter about what happened."

Anna snorted and smirked.

"James would kill him. I don't want Sirius dead; I just want him to fancy me back."

A knot in her stomach tightened, even just saying his name.

"Well…he did kiss you. Maybe he does fancy you."

Anna heard the skepticism behind the hopeful words of comfort and voiced Lily's unspoken words aloud.

"Or maybe he kissed me because that's just what he does and he forgot for a moment that he was with me, instead of some random girl."

Her friend looked at her, denial and apology in her eyes, but didn't say anything.

"Oh, come on, Lils, you know that's what you were thinking. It's what I've been thinking, and that's what is hurting me. That, and that he's been leaving rooms as soon as I enter them ever since. Ugh. Can we please…can we please just talk about something else? Tell me about your Christmas plans."

Anna listened sympathetically as Lily told her all about the Evans family plans, and complained about Petunia and her snotty boyfriend. She only found herself jealous of Lily and her family for a fleeting moment, which was a big step forward for her. Finally, they entered Gryffindor tower. She glanced over at the boys' staircase and her shoulders slumped.

"Go on," Lily said. "You need to talk to Potter anyway, about your plans."

She nodded at her best mate and slowly walked toward the staircase as if she were going to her doom.

Outside the boys' room, she could hear James ranting and raving about Lily again. She held her breath, praying that Sirius wasn't inside as she knocked and heard Remus call for her to enter. He sounded rather relieved to have an interruption.

Anna stepped inside and looked around the room. Her eyes met Sirius's startled gaze for a split second before he jumped up.

"I just remembered I have to check something."

He darted out of the room, not glancing her way again. She felt Remus's eyes on her as her cheeks colored.

"Hey!" James greeted her, unaware of the awkwardness that had just passed.

"Hey, James. I just wanted to find out what the plans are for the holidays. I need to know what to pack."

James grimaced at her.

"You're packing already? We still have two more days before we go home."

"Yes, well, maybe I'm just excited."

"Okay…um, well, Mum says we're going over to the Prewetts' annual New Year's thing, so you'll need to bring clothes for that. Other than that, no idea."

"Okay."

She turned to leave, wanting nothing more than to hide in her room for the moment, when James called out to her.

"Hey, Bird…now that you and Lily are so close…do you have any idea why she still refuses to go out with me?"

"I dunno, James. You know about our agreement. She doesn't tell me that kind of stuff."

James looked frustrated as he ruffled his hair. She took a little pity on him. He looked so dejected. Lily had turned him down after he'd asked her to go to Hogsmeade with him, which is why he'd decided to stay at the castle.

"I do put in a good word for you. And I think it helps, seeing us together. She does say nice things occasionally about you. She admits that you're a real person now, that's something."

Peter snorted awkwardly and then pretended to cough.

"Look, can you just give it a rest for a while? When you ask her over and over again she just gets mad that you aren't listening to her."

James scowled and slumped on his bed.

"I try to. She just makes me so…and I get all tongue-tied and speak without thinking. I like her so much and it hurts. You just…you don't understand."

The anger suddenly bubbled up out of Anna, surprising her with its force. She tried to force herself to stay calm, "Oh, I see. You're the only one who knows heartbreak, my mistake."

All three of the boys were now eyeing Anna warily. Quiet sarcasm from Anna was like a tornado warning siren. James stood up and moved toward her slowly as he said "I didn't-", but was cut off as Anna continued.

"There are books, plays, songs, movies, epics written about it throughout all the ages, potions designed specifically to prevent rejection, but no, it's only you who has ever dealt with it. And the rest of us are supposed to stop our lives because the girl who has turned you down repeatedly did it one more time. Well, I'm sorry, but I've got enough to deal with on my own without worrying about the latest blunder of yours that led Lily to turn you down again. You would think that you'd learn to move on by now."

Anna spun on her heel, and tried to push past James out of the room, but he grabbed her shoulder and hugged her. Anna pushed against him, but he held on.

Remus, behind James, gaped at him, wondering at James choosing this inopportune moment to display his Gryffindor courage.

"Hey," James whispered to her, "I'm sorry, okay? But what's going on, what's wrong?" Anna looked up at James' hazel eyes, filled with concern for her, and she felt guilty for losing her temper. After all, he was only feeling the same rejection that she felt, and it was nearly crushing her. To her horror, tears sprang to her eyes. "Anna?"

Anna tried to answer, but her throat was suddenly very tight. She finally choked out through her tears, "Did you really think you were the only one to want someone who doesn't want them back?" and she pushed past his shocked face as she broke into sobs and ran out of the room.

She stumbled down the stairs, through the common room where a few first and second years turned to gape at her, and up the girls' staircase. She would have preferred to run out onto the grounds but the Marauder's Map and James' cloak meant they would come find her no matter where she hid. It was really a bit cowardly to run to her room, but she knew he wouldn't follow her there, not with Lily inside. She slammed the door behind her and gratefully accepted Lily's startled hug as she continued to cry her heart out.

* * *

_One Week Later_

They had been home at the Potters' for a couple of days now. Anna had spent most of that time in bed, pretending to have a cold so she wouldn't have to socialize with the others. Guilt tugged at her as she thought of Elizabeth, James's mum, fussing over her, but it wasn't enough to make her go out and face Sirius again. It seemed from what Elizabeth said that the boys had been closed up in James's room most of the time anyway. This was really going to be a rubbish holiday. She had lied to Lily; Sirius was most definitely ruining this Christmas for her.

She heard a soft knock at the door and stared at it for a moment. James and his parents were out, visiting Charles's elderly mother for the evening. That left only one person…she debated about what to do before giving up and quietly telling him to come in.

Sirius really did look rather miserable himself. His eyes were cast down and his cheeks definitely had a pink tint to them. He was carrying a tray with some food and a hot mug. He set it at the table beside her loveseat at the other end of the room and glanced in her direction, but didn't seem to want to look directly at her.

"Can I…?" he gestured to the loveseat.

She opened her mouth to speak but found that nothing came out, so she just nodded. But then she remembered that he wasn't looking at her, so she said "I suppose so."

He swallowed and took a seat uncomfortably.

"I just thought we ought to talk."

Anna could help the snort that came out. One would think that he hadn't been avoiding her for the past three weeks. He looked up at her in shock.

"Yeah, I think so, too. Only you've run away every time I've set foot in your vicinity."

He winced.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that. I just…Remus interrupted and it was so awkward…"

"Look, Sirius, if you want to just say it was an accident, then please just say it and get it over with, okay?"

He looked down at the floor.

"What if it wasn't?"

Anna started. He had asked that rather quietly. Had she heard him correctly? She hopped off the bed and strode to the loveseat. She needed to see his face in order to have this conversation. He determinedly kept his gaze on the carpet of her room. She sat down next to him sideways so that she could look at his face, which was now bright pink.

"What did you say?"

Sirius didn't appear to want to answer, so she reached out for his hand and felt the familiar zing as they made contact for the first time since the kiss. He looked down at her hand and then finally looked her in the eyes. He took a deep breath as if to steel himself and she was shocked at the raw emotion in his eyes.

"I said it wasn't an accident. I've wanted to kiss you for a very long time. Then you ran and I thought you were mad at me for doing it…"

"I wasn't. You just kept avoiding me and I thought you were trying to let me know that you were upset that it happened."

Sirius searched her eyes as if trying to find out whether she was lying. He seemed to be satisfied with what he found.

"So, basically, I avoided you for nothing, and now you're avoiding me for nothing?"

Anna smiled despite herself.

"Well, you avoided me for no reason, but I have been legitimately hiding from you because you were hiding from me."

The left corner of his mouth quirked.

"The other thing is that I was sure you could tell how much I fancy you. It was…one hell of a kiss and I got a little carried away."

Anna's heart was beating wildly now with joy. He fancied her? It wasn't all a misunderstanding?

"So," he continued, "does that mean that you didn't mind that I kissed you?"

His gaze was piercing in his intensity as he waited for her answer. She had never seen such vulnerability in his eyes, and it was hurting her heart a little that it was because of her.

"I didn't mind at all."

She felt his rough hand turn in hers to thread his fingers through hers.

"In fact, the only thing I mind is that you haven't done it again."

Sirius smiled at her and his gray eyes danced. The really were beautiful, she thought, as they beamed brightly at her.

"By the way," he asked, "what on earth did you say to Prongs about it? He hasn't killed me, so it couldn't have been that bad."

She squinted, trying to think of what he was talking about.

"I didn't tell him a thing."

"Really? The day of the last Hogsmeade trip, he got all weird and quiet after you came to the room. Then when we got here, out of the blue, he asked if I'm i…how I feel about you and then basically gave me permission to ask you out. Interspersed with threats of what will happen if I hurt you, of course."

Anna looked away from his intense stare and mumbled her answer.

"He was ranting about Lily, you know, and I just didn't have the patience for it at the moment. Then he told me that I couldn't understand and I sort of…chewed him out and burst into tears."

He frowned, and then reached up to cup her cheek gently.

"I made you cry?"

She half-shrugged, not really wanting to say it again.

"I'm sorry, Bird."

He stroked her cheek and she let the feeling of being cherished wash over her. Sirius's voice cut into her thoughts as he spoke low in her ear and she closed her eyes and shivered at the feel of his breath.

"I just have one more question."

"Argh, enough questions."

He chuckled slightly at her impatient face and waited until she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Fine, what?"

"That song—did you finish it? The one you were singing when I sort of interrupted you?"

Anna looked at his eyebrows as she tried to answer with a straight face.

"Yes, that was the entire thing. All of it."

"Liar. Lily already told me."

Her face flamed as her mouth dropped open indignantly.

"What?"

"I asked her to teach me the rest."

Sirius leaned in and whispered the words in her ear. She didn't let him finish "as long as you love me so, let it snow" before silencing him with a kiss, which he returned wholeheartedly. It was a different kiss, one that held promise and no hidden agenda. He opened up the curtains of her window, and they sat huddled on the love seat, watching the snow drift gently down as they let the fire die in the fireplace.

* * *

_Author's Note: Well, that's it for now! I hope you all have a merry Christmas!_


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